The Art of Redirection: A Guide to Compassionate Communication with Dementia

Have you recently experienced a conversation with a loved one where it seems like they are a bit confused? When your loved one asks for the tenth time today when they’re going home, or becomes fixated on an errand from twenty years ago, you might feel your patience wearing thin. We understand. These moments aren’t just challenging—they can be heartbreaking. But what if we told you there’s a powerful tool that can bring comfort to both of you?

It’s called redirection, and when paired with compassionate communication, it becomes one of the most valuable skills in your family caregiving support toolkit when communicating with a loved one experiencing memory loss.

Let’s talk about how ActivCare recommends communicating with those who live with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia.

Why Traditional Responses Fall Short

Dementia fundamentally changes how our loved ones process information. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, the disease affects the brain’s ability to reason, remember, and make sense of time and place. This means the communication strategies that worked for decades—logic, facts, gentle corrections—no longer reach them the way they once did.

When we respond to repeated questions with “I already told you that” or try to reason with “That was a long time ago,” we’re speaking a language their brain can no longer fully process. Instead of bringing clarity, these responses often trigger confusion, frustration, or even fear.

The reality is this: facts and logic are no longer effective tools. Direct corrections can unintentionally cause our loved ones to feel ashamed, dismissed, or frightened—emotions that only deepen their distress.

Understanding What They’re Really Saying

Here’s something that changes everything: when it comes to dementia communication, understanding the meaning behind the words matters far more than the literal message being delivered.

Your mother asking about picking up the kids from school isn’t really about the logistics of a carpool from 1975. She’s likely expressing anxiety, a need to feel useful, or worry about fulfilling her responsibilities. Your father’s insistence that he needs to go to work might be his way of communicating that he feels purposeless or restless.

They’re trying to tell you something and it’s in everyone’s best interest to follow the emotional path, not get stuck on the literal request. Sometimes what they say is not what they mean to communicate. They may express worry about an errand or fixate on a situation from long ago as a way of telling us they’re anxious or uncomfortable right now.

This is where compassionate communication begins: with validation, not correction.

The Foundation: Three Pillars of Compassionate Communication for Those With Dementia

These three principles form the heart of every successful interaction with your loved one. Master these, and you’ll find that even the most challenging moments become opportunities for connection.

Validate Emotions First

Before anything else, we acknowledge what they’re feeling without correcting what they’re saying. This creates an environment of love, comfort, and validation—a space where they feel safe rather than judged.

Try these phrases:

“I can see that you’re feeling worried right now”
“I know this feels hard”
“I understand how important this is to you”
“I’d be upset too. It must feel like you are losing your independence.”
“I can tell you really love your (kids, husband, dog, family, etc.).”

When we jump into their world and appreciate what they’re feeling—rather than focusing on correcting the message—we build trust and confidence through empathy.

Reassure and Provide a Sense of Comfort

Before we can redirect, we must provide a sense of comfort. If your loved one feels fearful, ashamed, or angry, they won’t be receptive to anything we say next.

Reassure them that you want to help:

“You’re not alone in this”
“May I help you with this?”
“Can I sit with you while we figure this out?”

These simple statements provide powerful comfort. They remind your loved one that they’re safe, supported, and valued.

Redirect: Focus on Comfort Instead of Logic and Facts

Correcting or directly addressing a person living with dementia’s concern can break the spirit and may not be the most effective way to communicate. Instead, have conversations that lead back to comfort while maintaining their dignity.

Guide their focus toward uplifting topics—new friends they’ve made, activities they enjoy, a favorite meal coming up, or something beautiful happening right now. The goal isn’t to dismiss their concerns but to gently shift their emotional state from distress to peace.

The Power of Redirection: What It Is and When to Use It

Redirection is a gentle, effective tool to bring comfort without causing pain or confusion. It’s not lying, it’s prioritizing dignity and emotional well-being over strict facts. It’s changing the focus away from the logic of the situation toward what truly matters: how they feel.

When to Use Redirection:

When they ask repeated questions
When they become fixated on tasks that are no longer possible or necessary
When they reminisce about people who aren’t there or events that didn’t happen
When they express urgent needs that don’t align with reality

Remember: they’re trying to express something deeper. Address the urgency their brain is signaling, not the literal request.

Also consider non-verbal cues and tone. For those with aphasia or advanced dementia, intonations matter even when words don’t make sense. Your calm, loving presence speaks louder than any explanation.

Putting Redirection Into Practice

Once you understand when to use redirection, the next question becomes how to do it. The foundation of effective redirection lies in first acknowledging what your loved one is experiencing and creating a sense of safety.

Start by validating their feelings: “I can see why you’re feeling worried right now,” or “That does sound concerning.” This simple acknowledgment lets them know their feelings matter and they’re not alone.

Now that you’ve established this emotional connection and your loved one feels heard, you can gently lead them toward a comforting activity or conversation. Your presence becomes the anchor that makes this transition possible. Here are some examples of how to redirect with grace:

“Tell me your favorite thing about your (kids, husband, family, dog, etc.)? What was their favorite ice cream flavor? What is yours?”
“While we wait, could you help me choose decorations for the window? You’re so good with colors.”
“I like your shirt—is blue a favorite color of yours?”
“I was just thinking about making some tea. Would you like to join me?”
“Can I sit with you while we look at this photo album together?”
“Would you like to help me fold these towels? I could use an extra pair of hands.”

This may work immediately, or it might require patience and repetition. Some days redirection works right away; other days you’ll need to try different approaches. Be willing to adapt and keep trying.

A Gentle Reminder

What matters most is not strict truth, but kindness. You’re helping your loved one move from fear to comfort, from confusion to peace.

On the days when nothing seems to work, when you’ve tried every technique and still see distress in their eyes, remember this: your effort matters. Your compassion matters. The fact that you’re learning new ways to connect with them matters deeply.

Redirection isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up with love, over and over again.

Practical Considerations

Beyond the core techniques of redirection, there are a few additional factors that can make all the difference in how effective your communication becomes.

Check for Physical Issues First

Sometimes what looks like behavioral change is actually physical discomfort. Urinary tract infections (UTIs), pain, hunger, or fatigue can manifest as agitation, confusion, or fixation. If your loved one suddenly becomes more anxious or fixated, consider whether they might be:

In physical pain they can’t communicate
Dealing with an infection
Tired, hungry, too hot or cold, or uncomfortable

A quick review to rule out any physical ailments will enable you to proceed with redirection efforts.

Work With What Has Worked

This isn’t one-size-fits-all. Your father might respond beautifully to redirections about his favorite sports team, while your mother might find comfort in looking at old photos or folding laundry. Tailor the approach to your specific family situation and your loved one’s unique personality and history.

Moving Forward With Heart

Compassionate communication and redirection give you powerful, loving ways to maintain connection with your loved one even as dementia changes how they experience the world. These aren’t just techniques—they’re expressions of love, dignity, and respect.

Every conversation is an opportunity to tell your loved one: You are safe. You are valued. You are not alone.

At ActivCare, we understand that this journey requires both heart and skill. Our memory care assisted living communities in Southern California are built on these same principles of compassionate communication for dementia, where every team member is trained to see the person behind the diagnosis and to prioritize dignity and comfort in every interaction.

Whether you’re caring for your loved one at home or exploring memory care options, remember: you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Ready to learn more about compassionate memory care for Alzheimer’s? Contact ActivCare today to discover how we can support your family’s journey with understanding, expertise, and heart.

Learn more in our Caregivers Guide.

The Art of Redirection: A Guide to Compassionate Communication with Dementia

Why Traditional Responses Fall Short

Understanding What They’re Really Saying

The Foundation: Three Pillars of Compassionate Communication for Those With Dementia

Validate Emotions First

Redirect: Focus on Comfort Instead of Logic and Facts

The Power of Redirection: What It Is and When to Use It

When to Use Redirection:

Putting Redirection Into Practice

A Gentle Reminder

Practical Considerations

Check for Physical Issues First

Work With What Has Worked

Moving Forward With Heart

We're here to help.

Get in touch today.

Why Traditional Responses Fall Short

Understanding What They’re Really Saying

The Foundation: Three Pillars of Compassionate Communication for Those With Dementia

Validate Emotions First

Redirect: Focus on Comfort Instead of Logic and Facts

The Power of Redirection: What It Is and When to Use It

When to Use Redirection:

Putting Redirection Into Practice

A Gentle Reminder

Practical Considerations

Check for Physical Issues First

Work With What Has Worked

Moving Forward With Heart

We're here to help.

Get in touch today.

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