Communicating with a loved one with Alzheimer’s or related dementia may become challenging as the disease progresses. Prepare yourself before you visit; think about topics that you and your loved one can discuss. Remember that the tone of your voice can direct their emotions and reactions as well.
- Speak slowly and take a breath between each sentence. Give them a chance to catch up to your words. A single task may need to be broken down into several steps.
- Approach them face-to-face and make eye contact. It is vital that they actually see you.
- Lower your body to their level and look directly at them when communicating. You may be able to read their eyes for signs of frustration, distress or anger.
- Communicate what you are going to do before you do it. This is particularly important if you are going to touch them, so they don’t think you are grabbing them.
- Validate their feelings try using something like, “I see that you are angry (sad, upset, etc.)”. It lets them know they are not alone.
- Turn negatives into positives or redirect your loved one. For example say, “Let’s go here” instead of “Don’t go there.”
- If your loved one starts getting agitated, stop what you’re doing and change the activity or subject.
- Don’t just assume the person doesn’t remember something. People with Alzheimer’s may have moments of perfect lucidity during which they will remember things they wouldn’t otherwise remember.
- Don’t say “remember”. Many times they will not be able to remember, and you are just pointing out their shortcomings. That may cause anger and/or embarrassment.
- Respect the fact that they are an adult and treat them as such. Don’t talk to them as though they were a child.
- When they keep repeating the same question, answer the question patiently as though it’s the first time they asked it. Many times repeated questions are asked because they were successful in advancing the conversation. Repetition can be a sign that they are not sure how to move forward in the conversation.
- People with Alzheimer’s may yearn to be touched. There are different types of touch: light, moving touch is stimulating; deep, slow touch is calming. You should always get verbal or non-verbal permission before touching a person with dementia.
- Use their name frequently when talking with them. Most people respond positively to hearing their name and people with Alzheimer’s are no different. Do not use “Honey,” “Pops,” “Sweetie,” etc.
- Don’t visit if you find they already have a visitor. If you learned that they already had a visitor, you may want to reschedule your visit. Multiple visits in a day can be too much stimulation.
- Don’t tell them a loved one has passed away if they ask about the person: This may just upset them. It’s best to tell a white lie and say something such as the person is away and will return soon.